The Emotional Surrender Process: How to Heal Painful Emotions
The rich life we seek is on the other side of our painful emotions.
"David saved my life. These last few weeks have been some of the most emotionally turbulent and downright STRANGE that I've ever experienced. All kinds of fears came to the surface, and deep emotions of sadness, loss, confusion, and anger coming out. And it would have been 100x times harder if it wasn't for the loving kindness, genius, and generosity of this dude! He taught me what to do to move through emotion and get to Peace." - Chris H.
Lovely words from my friend, but don't believe what he is telling you. 😀 I didn't save him, and I didn't teach him. All I did was point him toward his natural capacities to move energy and free himself. His body wanted to move the emotions. He did everything for himself.
The "positive thinking" of most of the spiritual world avoids looking at our pain, because the theory is that putting attention on it will manifest more of it. This could not be more incorrect.
Your emotional pain is already in your energy field. Whether you look at it or not it is already manifesting and influencing your reality and your actions! It's already there in your subconscious, emanating its vibration. Ignoring it just keeps the pain in our lives. The only way to help it is to look directly at it and work with it.
This emotional work is what the Universe wants, and what your Soul really wants. We are all trying to heal into wholeness and re-discover our Oneness. This is why we are here. We are here to experience what we think is not love, so that we reconnect Love into that situation and experience that love and remember the ecstasy of oneness in a human body.
Life is a performance of separation where the game is to get back to Oneness (Love).
The Universe is going to keep trying to get you to play this game. It's going to keep showing you where you think you are separate and not safe and not okay and feeling that pain. Because only you can embrace your pain and reconnect it with love. No one can do that for you. Your feelings and the situation then transforms.
By now, I have experienced this transformation hundreds of times. Anger turned into appreciation. Despair turned into joy and new relationships. Lack turned into abundance and new projects. Jealously turned into deep spiritual connection and internal security without any external effort on my part. All the action was internal, and then I felt different, I acted differently, and my reality looked different. I do this again and again.
These painful parts of you are screaming for your help. They are going to keep coming, because your Soul and body want you to work with them so that you heal and experience more love and freedom, and send more love and freedom through you to the world. From this perspective, going through your pain that you are carrying is actually the most direct path to your joy and helping others.
Healing your emotions is the most direct path to changing your life.
So how do we do it? I will share here a simple version of the technique I have been using every day for 4 years to change my internal state and my external world. I've honed this through relentless practice of the methods I've learned from Brandon Bays, Michael Brown, Teal Swan, Matt Kahn, Dr. Darren Wiessman, and Dr. David Hawkins. Look up any of those teachers and their work for more.
This moment is not a mistake. You and your feelings are not a mistake. The Universe is asking you to look directly at it and be fully in it, even if it hurts for a few minutes. Surrender to this process and your work and joy happens more quickly. You will transform. Then the outside will transform.
Here's the great news. You don't need to know how to do this, even though I will tell you. Your body knows exactly what to do. You will see that your body wants to do this. If you just can let it do its work, you will move stuck energy. Don't take my word for it, try it for yourself.
Here is a simple version of the process. You can do this in the morning when you wake up or when you feel an uncomfortable emotion happening for you.
The Emotional Surrender Process
- Sit somewhere quiet.
- Set a timer for 15 minutes.
- Start breathing a little faster than normal, but at a steady pace.
- Breath with deep breaths into the belly. Fill the belly with air as low in your body as you can. Breath in and out from this spot purposely for the duration of this process. If you forget to do this, that's fine, just start again.
- Feel the emotion or emotions happening for you. Let them come. For just a few minutes today, you are going to welcome your experience.
- As the emotion happens, find the physical sensations of it. Where is it in the body? Does it feel hard or soft? Is it hot? Is it trembling? Is it tight? Do not try to analyze anything. You may have thoughts about the emotion or thoughts about what you should do to "fix" the situation. You can't fix it. Ignore these thoughts. You may have thoughts that say you should not or don't have to feel what you are feeling. Ignore these thoughts. Focus entirely on the physical sensations. Address your emotions as the physical sensations. Put your awareness into the physical sensations and find out what they are. You can even use your mind to describe them out loud.
- Let them get stronger. Invite the physical sensations to come. This is your actual felt experience of the emotion and you can handle the physical sensations. They are actually much easier to handle than thoughts. You do not have to know what the emotion even is or why it is happening. Very often those insights will come automatically. You don't have to look for them. Just stay focused on the physical sensations and keep belly breathing.
- Relax into these sensations and surrender to your body. Don't try to change these sensations. Just surrender. Just put your awareness on the physical sensations and stop trying to resist anything. Let them happen fully. Let your body have control. Let it do whatever it wants. Stand, bend over, lie down, shake, hum, make noise, cry, laugh, scream (into a pillow), squirm on the floor, twist and turn, curl into a ball, shake your hands, stomp, punch (a pillow). Most of the time I do this process sitting and my body releases the emotion by crying. Sometimes, for really strong emotions I am lying down and shaking quite a bit and also crying to release. Sometimes with anger I need to punch pillows and I will have a release. There is nothing wrong with any of this. There is nothing wrong happening. All of this body activity is your cells naturally moving the old stuck energy and releasing. Let them do it.
- Keep belly breathing. All the time. Keep belly breathing and focusing on the body sensations. Most likely they will come in waves. They will build up and it will seem hard to handle. Your mind will try to escape. It will try to distract you. That's okay. Just keep relaxing into the physical sensations and surrendering to the body. This is your body trying to heal. The wave will subside and you might feel relief or peace. And another wave might come. Or that particular disturbance might be done, forever. Huzzah!
- The timer will go off in 15 minutes and you are done. That's it. No need to force yourself. 15 minutes is enough. You can do it for 15 minutes. You might find, however, once you learn how energy moves through you and once you encounter the peace and relief on the other side of your emotions, you might want to continue this process until the waves are complete. You might find it is actually easy to let these things happen. And then they are done, and the emotion is gone. You might find you actually enjoy it. You might be amazed at what happens next.
What is actually happening in this process? You are surrendering to what the Universe is asking you to look at. You are surrendering to the energy that needs to move through your body.
When you give these hurts parts of you full awareness and acceptance you reconnect it with your love. You are welcoming it and embracing it, and letting it come through you, and this heals it! Emotional surrender lets healing happen. Your body knows what to do, we are just restricting it almost all the time. Give your body the gift of freedom, just for a few minutes today.
If you want to be a little more active with your mind in this process, you can consciously drop your defenses, open your heart, and you can literally invite the sensations, emotions, and energy through your heart.
I typically do emotional surrender for one hour every morning as soon as I get up. It takes me to more joy. When I find an uncomfortable emotion, I know it is the next most direct step to my freedom.
I know my discomfort is the next wall I am holding between me and my real Self that I can let crumble with surrender. This is the next part of me that feels hurt and separate. I know that I will return to the warmth of Oneness by feeling this emotion fully. The payoff of this process has been evident to me every time I have done it. It has helped me change my life more than anything else.
This is possibly the most important skill I could ever encourage you to learn. Because it is the most direct way for you to permanently increase your vibration and move stuck energy all by yourself. When you release the old, your life will become new. The first difference you will notice is how much lighter you feel in old situations that haunted you. Then you will see that your life starts to look differently externally.
But don't believe me, or my friends, or any of the people I work with. Just try it. Seek out your own experience of moving old energy and finding freedom on the other side. Your own experience is your best teacher. Tell me how it goes.